how to talk to someone with cancer

If you are a friend/relative/carer you may not be sure how much your relative or friend wants to talk about their illness. Of course you want to help, but you may be afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing.

Is it OK to ask questions about cancer? Will talking about cancer upset them? Is it better to avoid talking about cancer? How can I be of support?

Talking about cancer can be a difficult thing to do, especially as each person can respond in a different way to a cancer diagnosis... but there are some suggestions that might help:

• be a good listener - this sounds like a straight-forward simple thing to do, but sometimes we can try too hard and not always get it right. Being a good listener is a valuable way of supporting someone with cancer, and it can help you understand what that person is going through. Try to let the person tell you as much or as little as they want to; you will need to be patient, and not worry about silences in the conversation.
• make time - by being a support for someone affected by cancer, we can reassure them that we are there to help and give them the opportunity to talk to us when they are ready to talk.
• use the information available - there are a number of leaflets and books on talking about cancer which offer practical tips and ideas that you may find useful.

Macmillan Cancer Support  
The Macmillan Cancer Support website has a useful section for those feeling 'lost for words', giving tips on talking to someone about their cancer. This information is also available in a series of free booklets direct from Macmillan Cancer Support or from the Macmillan Cancer Information Centre

• Cancer, you and your partner
• Talking to children about cancer
• 'Lost for words' - how to talk to someone with cancer
• Caring for someone with advanced cancer
• Hello, and how are you?
• Let's talk about you

Book - What Can Help? 75 Practical Ideas for Family and Friends from Cancer's Frontline (ISBN 1904977391) by Deborah Hutton
This book is written by someone affected by cancer, to give practical suggestions as to how friends and family members can best support someone affected by cancer. This book is available to borrow from the Macmillan Cancer Information Centre.

Book - Love is a journey: Couples Facing Cancer (ISBN 1420828614) by Jan Latona
This book covers the effect cancer can have on a relationship, and includes tips on talking about cancer. This book is available to borrow from the Macmillan Cancer Information Centre.

This website also has a section on caring for someone with cancer which may have further suggestions that could be of support.

Please don't forget...

The Macmillan Cancer Information Centre is available as a support to you. We can listen to your concerns, and offer information and support to help your situation.

There is also now a specific counselling service for people emotionally affected by cancer - this is available to the person with the diagnosis, as well as family members and close friends. For more information click here, or telephone Manx Cancer Help(01624) 679544.